I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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