The police scanner is talking about you again....
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am available for nakedness
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
