i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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