this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
