In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
