They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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