She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
