Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
