I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
