Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
