that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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