Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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