can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
