People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
