Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
