Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
