There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
