i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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