I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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