I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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