Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
