I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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