i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
