If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was like eating out sand paper
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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