u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
