Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
