i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
