I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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