what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
