I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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