wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
