"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
