I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
