He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
