he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
