he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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