just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
