She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize