apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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