some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
