i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
