i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
