So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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