I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
