You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
