now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
