Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
