You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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