Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
