best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
