oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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