Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
