first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize