i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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