This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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