i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
