made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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