and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
