Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize