after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
