I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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