SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
