I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
