YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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