May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
