do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
