is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
