Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
