I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
