Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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