I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize