dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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